VacillatingLife: Strength of a relationship, its Elasticity

Human emotions, mentality, feelings and such, have been one of my favorite topics and ?No? I am no psychology professional, not even close. Every relationship, be it a parent-child, siblings, friends, lovers, they all go through a sort of sinusoidal wave in terms of happiness and sorrows. (Now this wasn?t anything new, was it?)

What makes any relationship work through all this ups and downs and in some cases the exaggerated version of these ups and downs that is the roller-coaster is, ?the elasticity of a relationship?. When it comes to blood relations it works slightly differently, merely for the fact that the choices aren?t available. We can?t choose our mother, our father, our siblings, uncles, aunts etc. The elasticity comes into play where we have umpteen numbers of choices available, like in friendship and in love relationships.?

Elasticity as we all know is the tendency of a body to return to its original shape after it has been stretched or compressed. It is also known as flexibility, resilience, adaptability etc. In case of friendship and love relationships, apart from just the flexibility, it is the ability of one to pullback the other towards the relationship in squatty situations.?

Now assume that a relationship consists of two people held by a rubber band. The elasticity of this rubber band is the ability of these two to pull the other person back in. In a relationship there is definitely something in one which is needed by the other. Something which grounds him/her, something which provides certain stability that lacks in one?s life, a companionship or merely filling a void. ?It could be anything. This need brings us closer to this person within the bounds of a rubber band. This need leads us down the path of dependency. We throw fits when our needs are not met. Our insecurities due to this dependency do nothing but surreptitiously implant a fear in our minds, manifesting a sequel of ?What if?s?? What if the other person will no longer fulfill my needs? What if I am addicted? What if I can?t handle the paucity, from his/her absence?

Once these ?what if?s? start bombarding our brains we start trying hard to break free from this dependency. We make erratic changes in our lifestyle, we get impulsive and petulant. Some of us get into our own shell and hibernate, till we are sure that we can manage without this other person. All for one and only one reason: to somehow get rid of this dependency. In this process we forge a disturbed environment for ourselves and our companion. We tend to create distance by stretching this rubber band. ?

Now if our companion is equally dependent on us, he/she will try to pull us closer instead of letting us break loose. The relationship will survive and flourish if this act is mutual, that is if we pull our companion back in when he/she is straying. This pulling and pushing is unavoidable in any relationship, as we all need intimacy and we all need space.?

This elasticity ascertains the binds and bounds of a relationship. The higher the elasticity, the stronger is a relationship. To maintain this elasticity we need to bury our fears and insecurities and base our actions on the fact that we are blessed with someone special in our lives who can meet our needs. I bet if we keep this in our minds we can work towards keeping our special companion in our lives for a long time to come.?

Source: http://vacillatinglife.blogspot.com/2011/05/strength-of-relationship-its-elasticity.html

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